Being happy for others

We all talk about it. We all claim to be happy for others but do we really do it? Who cares, right? Do we really NEED to be happy for others? Have you ever wondered why is it that it is so hard to be happy for someone else, especially when we do not have what the other person has in his/her life? In my opinion, jealousy is a spectrum. Some of us are indifferent to others lives because let’s face it, our lives keep us busy and we like it that way, busy hustling with no time to spare for others problems. But I couldn’t help but think about those of us who are openly bitter about others being happy. People who belong to this category do not have much time to focus on others either. However, they somehow manage to express their discontentment while gossiping about their “good” friends or their supposedly close relatives and their seemingly perfect lives. In the eyes of these individuals, the happy people in their lives are just sitting in their beautiful mansions, collecting bags of gold coins and taking skydiving lessons using their private jets while all they might have received was a promotion or an elite gym membership. They LOOK at those face-tuned pictures of their friends with hundreds of hearts on it and they choose to SEE a damage-proof glowing and a healthy skin. They LOOK at the group picture of smiling faces and they choose to SEE a group of people who never have misunderstandings, thriving in harmony. While most of us know how deceptive appearances are, I am more interested in understanding why is it so hard for us humans to naturally be happy for others. After all, compassion and open-heartedness are supposed to be innate human qualities right?

So, how does jealousy originate in each of us? What does jealousy indicate? The most obvious answer for these questions is sadness and frustration from dealing with one’s own issues. When you are sad, you can’t possibly be happy for another person, even if it is someone very close to you. When you are sad or frustrated about something in your life, have you ever observed the narrative your ego gives you at the time? It is most certainly ALWAYS exaggerated. What do I mean by this? Suppose you are frustrated because you can’t afford your dream car, your Ego narrates this situation to you as if you are so poor that you probably have to save way more than you need to in order to afford the car. The Ego follows this up by saying that you can NEVER afford a luxurious lifestyle and then it tells you, your friends will overtake you in this “RACE” to “WIN” life. This goes on and on until you are sitting in your couch, sulking and criticising yourself over every purchase you had made up until that point. Eventually, your Ego convinces you that you are one step away from being destitute and that you need to up your “game”. Why?- because you can’t afford your dream car at that moment in your life. Why does your Ego wants to do this to you? Because your Ego always wants to protect you and it doesn’t know the scale of danger so it always assume the highest level of danger waiting to appear down the road.

What does your Ego or your sadness has to do with another person’s happiness? Nothing! This is it! Then, why does it always feel like it is all connected? Because we humans as a species always want to be a part of something. It is our innate desire to be included and to seek company and be around people who are like us. We don’t want to be left out. When we were hunting for food as a primitive being, it is probably dangerous to go through something that your tribe doesn’t know about or cannot help with because that would mean you will probably be left alone to die in order to save the rest of the tribe. Misery loves company. Deep down, a truly bitter person would probably be thinking, “how is it that I am suffering and you are not? This is unacceptable!”. Because of this crowd-gathering habit of ours, the realization that we are alone at struggling with something is very painful and our Ego wants to make us feel safe. So, our Ego nudges us to find ways to feel safe and included. The instinctive solution would be to make others miserable or point out their problems to make them less cheerful and in your point of view, more “humane”. The extent to which people put in efforts to make others miserable varies a lot and it is directly proportional to how alone and unsupported they feel in their lives.

We are not born bitter. We ALL are loving and kind sentient beings and that is our true nature. Perhaps knowing how Ego, also known as our our false Self, blocks our ability to be happy for others can help us understand how pointless it is to feel jealous. The next time your friend or acquaintance talks about his/her blessings, open those strong, confident arms and give them a hug or a handshake. Smile and send them loving energy and wish them well because there is one thing that is COMMON in you and your friend and that is the fact that you both are human.

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Finding hope..

Accepting change is hard, especially during the existing uncertain times caused by the Covid-19 pandemic.

Everybody is in pretty much a similar situation, with people losing jobs and people not able to find jobs. No doubt, this is a major challenge faced by humanity.

I don’t know how many of you are familiar with this but there is a major shift in our collective consciousness that has been happening for several months now and it is said to continue for years.

What does that mean for a common man? Simply put, it means that we are going to see more and more people who would proactively choose to be kinder to others.

We are going to see more and more people who value character, integrity and authenticity. We are going to see more of builder-ups and less of tearer-downs.

More and more people are willingly going to emanate love, loving energy and positive vibrations while the negative people will become a minority.

It is like our humanity is going through a very powerful upgrade! This is no news in the spiritual community. While the process of upgrading is painful, my heart is filled with endless hope for our humanity.

People often ask me how I am able to remain so cool without any major career leads as a student about to graduate soon during this time of unforeseeable uncertainty.

I used to be a huge fan of planning, freaking out, planning and then freaking out some more. However, I am also a big believer of destiny.

All I know right now is that my higher Self or what people call intuition, will guide me to make the right decisions and that, I would be guided to do what I am meant to pursue at a meaningful time point.

Whatever issues I face along the way, I trust that I will be able to handle it.

Don’t ask for proof because it is faith without reason that helps me find hope! Faith is always without reason.

Belief is powerful because it can energise thoughts and manifest them into reality.

Even though the situation is bleak for many of us right now, I strongly believe! I believe that we will get through this and we, as our higher Selves, always have our best interest to guide us through this.

You and I are slowly but surely transforming into someone much better, leading a better life in a better humanity, as new citizens of the New Earth.

Some of the best opportunities are waiting for each of us, something much better than what we were to receive and something more suited to each of us for the time period.

If you still find it hard to hold onto hope, I am here to give you hope.

Trust me and join hands with me in believing that we all will get through this because we all are in this together and the future is going to be brighter than we had ever imagined. <3

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Why do we love being in misery so much?

Why do we love being in misery so much?❤️ Before my spiritual awakening, I used to think that my sole purpose of life is to be happy but I had not done anything to achieve that goal. We all say that we don’t want to be sad but subconsciously, many of us love being the object of pity and possessing a victim identity. I used to think that having friends, travelling to exotic locations and earning the educational degree of my choice would make me happy. I am sure many people would be able to relate to the wishful thinking that I had and that chase that never seemed to end. But in spite of reaching those destinations, getting those double taps on Instagram, having a “friend circle” and loved ones, I still felt unfulfilled and sad. Come to think of it, I have observed this in many people I have met. I wanted to understand this aspect further. So, I happened to do some journalling and turns out, I used to give excuses to stay unhappy because I thought my traumas made me who I am. Without that, I am not worthy of attention. As a positive person, I can say now that being one is like being a magnet. My pleasant energy and willingness to listen tend to attract many people towards me. But eventually, people find it boring because I can put a positive spin on anything and that’s not entertaining, that’s a buzzkill to many people. So, people naturally don’t want to be a buzzkill themselves. And, how did I transform from someone who needs pain to feel validated into someone who doesn’t need it? I simply realized that I had to change my intention. The sole purpose of my life is still to exist happily and peacefully, but this time, it is just for me. I want to be happy, for myself and not for the society. I can be a person, radiating positivity and still be interesting and this realisation changed my life for the better. I don’t consider my past valuable anymore, at least not to the extent that it becomes worthy of my attachment.
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Beneath the beauty..

How would the world be if we all saw each other just as souls? An amorphous energy field constantly vibrating and constantly being created from cosmic forces. A body with no body but a hazy shining aura of infiniteness. A being with no purpose but to exist, thrive, create and experience virtual reality with so much love radiating from our core. How would it be? How would it be if people saw me with that image and not my external appearance? Imagine I said hello to you and all you could see was this insanely powerful and complicated electromagnetic field constantly exchanging information with the cosmos and energizing thoughts? No pretty eyes but my third eye. No cute smile except the kind and welcoming light. No dark hair except my crown pulsing in alignment with my energy flow. No words except my boundless spirit of one love for all genders, appearances and age. How would it be? Boring right? Yeah, I can understand you and this is exactly my point. I am a woman but I don’t identify with it anymore. The only identity I own is that I am a soul, just as divine as everyone of you. It is oxymoronic because identity dissolves when one realises that he/she is love and the higher power. However, for the sake of functioning and understanding, I am choosing to use it as an identity. So, what am I trying to say? I am trying to say that beauty is not permanent. It is an illusion. External appearance is an illusion. It’s an oversimplification of your spirit. When I understood this, I no longer see others as a guy or a girl. I see them as a person, a divine being and a fellow spirit, experiencing this wonderful journey of life. What was interesting to me is that the moment I started doing this, I  felt so free and uninhibited. No drama, no politics, no games and only neutrality. Neutrality might be boring but it has definitely made my life a lot easier.❤️

Is optimism a privilege?

Is optimism a privilege? There is this popular notion that being positive, motivated and indulging in self care are a privilege and only people who are considered privileged can afford to spend time for it. What does it mean to be privileged? I think that it means having a roof over your head, some money to comfortably support yourself and at least a hobby to keep you happy. But does privilege equal happiness? As a privileged person, I can assure you that it is not, at least for me. I would like to think that problems are always relative, always. That doesn’t undermine the suffering someone goes through. No one, literally no one alive now is exempted from the  life lessons they are destined to learn. I would like to think that every soul has a customized cosmic plan, designed by themselves at a higher state of awareness (I can say that as a God-like state, to make it easier to understand). It is important to be grateful for everything that one has but that doesn’t mean that there is no justification for someone’s suffering inspite of them having food to eat and some money in the bank. What strikes my mind now is that regardless of how privileged you are, you need motivation, self care and any tools under the sky to live your best life possible. In fact, the more misery you are going through, the more you need those tools to keep up from crumbling under the pressure of life. When life offers you help, it is a sign of synchronicity. It means that the universe is listening to you and your higher self is trying to help you. If you are just a bit gracious enough to accept help, it would make your life just a little bit more tolerable and for many of us, that’s a lot! ❤️

What makes a good human?

❤️What makes a good human? Is that even a thing? And who are we to judge a person to be good or bad?..I have always wondered! Our society loves binary categories and only recently, things are changing. I have seen it in my own life. In my past, I have heard from others all sorts of binary labels for me..I can either wear a bindi(dot on my forehead) and chant mantras or I can wear a cute summer dress and drink cocktails..I can either be shy and quiet or be flamboyant and extroverted…I can either be popular or be a geek.. I can either be spontaneously creative or I can be a fraud.. People are so quick to put other people into boxes(even in their minds) and I have always wondered why. Come to think of it, I realized that I used to do the same thing too, just inside my head. Human beings are complicated, like, really complicated. We are constantly trying to figure out people, just the degree of effort we put in varies. I get it, it is what makes life interesting! Fun fact, I am a huge potterhead so I agree with Sirius when he implied that there are qualities in everyone they consider good and bad. Personally, I choose to see the brighter colours in others, the genuine smile, the strong warrior, the cute crying rabbit and the wise and patient turtle in others. What I mean by that is, being an empath is great if one chooses to use it and to use their intuitive abilities to see the beauty in others and appreciate them and to feel the pain in others and offer love and comfort to them. But in my opinion, you don’t have to be an empath for empathizing with others and choosing to see the beauty in people. ❤️

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If you want to fight, fight negativity!

In this day and age, it is just so easy to get lost in wordplay. The rush of the blood in your veins when you get involved in a heated argument is too enticing to ignore. There is something so disturbing yet so comforting when you sulk in silence, cry in isolation, start a social media war or hate a bunch of people whom you’d probably never see in your life after that point. What most of us fail to realise is that we are wasting our time encouraging negativity. Most of us know that it very obvious to say that negativity is bad and positivity is important. Nevertheless, only some of us succeed in fighting negativity on an everyday basis. Evolution has conditioned us to be exposed to so many different people and situations with different energies and frequencies yet somehow end up tuning so efficiently to negativity.

Speaking of energies and frequencies, I would like to imagine each of us being endowed with an imaginary rechargeable battery of positive energy. Every day our battery suffers wear and tear that makes us feel angry, unmotivated, frustrated or even scared. These fluctuations can make our existing positive energy supply unable to meet the demand. When we listen to the news first thing in the morning, it doesn’t matter how much we had planned to accomplish that day, a certain percentage of our energy is already drained lamenting over the bad things happening in the world. When minor unpleasant incident happens, we are so tempted to take it all in and be controlled by it. Suddenly, we become the harshest critic of our life. We start to think about all the awful decisions and actions of the past. We return home with low battery, label that day as a bad day and hope for a better tomorrow.

Sometimes our energy is influenced by the people around us. For instance, have you ever noticed the time you were with someone, and you caught yourself being unusually negative about anything and everything? This person has mastered pessimism, has a sub-zero level of patience, extremely low self-esteem and an inability to cope with failure. They are just so depressing that they drain the last ounce of empathy you have for them. You hardly realise it especially if such people are always in your social circle. If you let them, they can ruin your life permanently.

No matter how easily negativity can penetrate our mind, we can find ways to keep our batteries charged! What I like to do is to imagine that I am wearing a protective suit. This imaginary suit is made of all the empowering things I say to myself on a day I am genuinely motivated and in a positive state of mind. This exercise enforces the idea that I am stronger than the negativity around me. All of a sudden, I feel powerful and any number of whining colleagues, rude strangers or bad-tempered superiors seem manageable. When you get reminded of something/someone negative, remind yourself that you have a defined amount of positive space of mental focus. Don’t waste it on negativity or negative people. Use it instead to maximise your potential to learn and grow. Maintain a healthy relationship with yourself in order to keep your battery charged! Find three good things every day to feel grateful! Don’t be afraid of dissecting your emotions as it has proven to be an excellent strategy to reset your mood. Reason each emotion out. Question them. Another important trait to develop in order to avoid negativity is to stay grounded! An enlarged ego can often make you overthink others reactions to your actions. Even though it is not easy to do, call out on yourself when your behaviour or reaction is exaggerated! Stay away from toxic people and don’t be ashamed of stepping out of situations for the sake of maintaining your positive energy.

Our minds are trained to do whatever we REPEATEDLY think, say or do. Try to make it a HABIT to fight negativity and don’t be shy to show some loyalty to positivity.

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BE your own blessing

Ever since I learnt how to count using my fingers, I have always been convinced that it is okay to blame others to save myself from trouble. Nobody taught me as a kid to place blame on others. It has always been instinctive! Schools those days were so busy training kids to keep quiet that they did not have the time to teach them to own their mistakes. While this sort of attitude didn’t really matter when I was just five, it did matter when things started to get serious in life. Whenever I faced the slightest challenge, I have tried to find some random excuse to feel sad and engage in self-pity. Now that I think about it, I realise how much easier my adult life would get if I start owning those difficult situations that make my eyes tear up in anger or frustration and taking the power of changing my life back into my hands.

As an adult, we all deal with a variety of issues – family-related, financial, psychological or personal. Through our years of experience dealing with different kinds of people around us, we tend to forget our roles in maintaining our mental health and instead, pass on most of the control to others around us. We have been practising it for so long that feeling helpless and angry becomes our go-to response when we are in trouble. Stuck in traffic? Don’t worry..curse the goddamn truck driver ahead of you! Late for a meeting? Curse your wife who made you drop the kids to the school that morning. Accused of being insensitive? Blame your tough childhood and lack of validation from your parents. Feeling depressed? Go ahead and blame the entire humanity for not being accommodative of your emotional needs. My question is – why do you have to spend a lot of energy and cry over things when you can choose to not be “helpless” and actually help yourself to feel happy?

Now, what do I mean by taking control of situations? A majority of the things in our lives are not in our control. Having said that, there is something simple yet incredibly powerful that we have in our control – our ability to let things/people influence us. We are responsible for our own happiness and as cliché as it sounds, try to get a sense of this statement! What we feel during stressful situations is something that’s not in our control. Agreed. Let’s say something or someone who said something bothers you so much that you feel an intense pressure build up deep in your lungs, making it difficult for you to breathe without crying your heart out. Okay, do so! It is healthy! But after that, go ahead and get an objective view of the problem to gracefully limit the ability of that person/subject to bother you in future. Do you really want to go through the emotional rollercoaster for that? Was the pain and confusion worth it? Can this problem be fixed without all the drama? Simply put, pick your battles and when you do pick them wisely, weigh your strategy against your peace of mind!

As easy as it sounds, I understand that letting go of blame-game or taking responsibility for something you did not do is very hard! To all those who say, “Why should I ignore the mean comment from that dude?”, “ Who does she think she is?” and “Well, I don’t want to be walked all over like that”, I’d say, “Relax! I get it”. Being the bigger person is particularly hard when you want to hold on to your ego and feel entitled to minor validation from others. Think about this, who is really suffering? You can’t be so weak to let someone direct a Soap Opera inside your head while he/she is unaffected by it. It is harder when the people involved are closer and otherwise mean a lot to you. You want to escape from the mess yet you can’t. However, you can always choose to write your own story. There is nothing more empowering than recognising the fact that you are the creator of your happiness. Stop looking for things/people to change. It is never going to happen. It is not anybody’s obligation to make things comfortable for you irrespective of how important you are to them. Realise that not just when things are going fine but also when things are rough in life, only you are accountable for your own happiness.

Don’t waste time sweating over things you have no control over and start creating little happy moments here and there to stay cheerful 🙂

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