Are you going in the right direction ?

Many people don’t know what following your heart means. Following my heart? I had no idea that my “heart” had its own intelligence.

“Am I going in the right direction?”

Most people deal with this question by seeking the opinion of their friends and family. I used to be that person, always depending on others expertise to find solutions to my problems.

Some people overwhelm you with their detailed comments on your situation and their interpretation of your life is always influenced by the type of conditioning they have experienced in this lifetime.

Although you can get inspired by others input, such discussions can never give you the answer that is best suited for you.

Few others tell you to “follow your heart” which probably ends up intensifying your decision fatigue. Many people don’t know what following your heart means.

Following my heart? I had no idea that my “heart” had its own intelligence. What if my heart wasn’t my best friend? How do I know if my heart wants to sabotage my growth? Is my heart got totally screwed up by the years of emotional baggage I carried inside it?

Can my heart think straight? Or does my heart need new clothes, a haircut and antidepressants to sit straight? How can I trust my “heart“? These are some of the questions that used to pop up in my head.

I seemed to be doing everything “right” and according to somebody else’s agenda but I could sense something more powerful than self-doubt growing in me steadily.

Now, I wish I had someone back then tell me then that the answer has always been “Yes”. Yes, I was and am going in the right direction.

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How is that? And, how will I know that “Yes” is the right answer?

Everything we do and every step we take in life has a higher purpose. A plan is in action which could very easily be considered divine because it is originating from a space that’s beyond intellect.

Intellect is composed entirely of everything you have learnt from books, other people and your own experiences. So, it is rich in information.

However, the limitation of intellect is that it is finite. Anything that you cannot foresee is beyond intellect, it is an inexplicable learning opportunity.

So, all those horrible things that happened in the past, is it fair?

It might seem unrealistic and even completely wrong to view unjust or cruel incidences as if they have a higher purpose.

No one deserves pain and suffering. But my point is that those horrible things that you had to endure made you who you are today.

Acceptance is not about debating the purpose of every painful situation, although we all do it subconsciously. The Universe works in ways that supports our highest good and you don’t have to take my word for it.

Look back at your life and you might be surprised to find out that your suffering has been an invaluable source of life lessons. These lessons can’t be taught in a classroom.

So, ultimately your life plan led you to enrich your intellect, thereby providing you with the necessary tools to either re-use later or pass them on to your loved ones and the rest of the world.

You might ask me, “Why go through so much pain to learn these lessons?” and to this, I say, it is because we chose this by design.

Human life is all about the experience and the lessons we learn through it. If we subtract all the superficial goals, the journey of life is a pointless, exciting and profound adventure that’s totally worth the effort.

You might still ask me, ” oh, but why the heck?” and to that, I say, just because we can! So, sit back, follow your inner guidance and enjoy the ride.

It may not make sense now and may not even make sense when you are older. However, that part of you that’s divine, your being, just knows that in the end, it is all going to be okay.

Unusual self care practices

What can be so unusual about self care? The answer totally stands out from the traditional idea of self care which involves spa treatments, meditation classes, yoga, gym memberships or “protecting your energy” by staying away from negativity. In today’s post, I explore a four-fold approach to everyday life that might freshen your perspective on what it means to care for yourself on a deeper level and value yourself in a way that prepares you to face the battles of life.

  1. Getting to know yourself

Staying open to re-discovering who you are and what is important to you, in my books, is the highest expression of self care. Sometimes we tend to blindly accept certain behavioural patterns or mindset habits that we might have subconsciously picked up over the years, some of which might be unwanted or even toxic. Having a genuine sense of life-long curiosity towards why we operate the way we do without criticising ourselves is not just a path to become our own best friend but also a way to show ourselves that we care enough about ourselves to invest time for it.

2. Showing who you are

Showing who you are includes not just being vulnerable but also about confronting your overly judgemental and cruel aspects of your personality. Nothing screams self care as much as showing up as your authentic, awesome self. Regular self-inquiry aimed at improving your alignment to your core values and your authentic essence might seem like a lot of work. However, it is in the process of humbly showing up as your ENTIRE, gracious self that you experience the utmost freedom of self love and inner expression.

3. Going with the flow

Non-resistance to the flow of life significantly reduces that proportion of human suffering which is self-inflicted. Going with the flow doesn’t mean giving up or not having any goals in life. Being flexible with our plans, NOT unconsciously expecting people to fill previously-abandoned roles in our life, giving other people space to be themselves and staying open to miracles are excellent examples of self care and preservation. The concept of viewing life as an open-ended question and embracing uncertainty allows you to believe in your divine power of creation, sustenance, safety and resilience.

4. Empathising with others

When I started viewing Empathy as a self care ritual, my life instantly became reprogrammed to attract love, peace and conscious connections. Although empathising with others might hardly seem related to our own wellbeing, this practice cultivates the habit of valuing one’s own inner peace over mundane dramas. It helps to know that every single person in this world has their own unique journey filled with joy, pleasure, suffering and other types of karmic repercussions. Only someone who genuinely values and cares for themselves with full understanding of their own power to love, forgive and connect can actually empathise with others. This practice has the power to transmute our feelings of greed, jealousy, shame and hurt that we constantly experience into love, joy, belongingness, gratitude and service.

Five uncommon tips to ride the wave of emotions (from a self-healed survivor of depression)

As a survivor of long-term depression and a certified meditation teacher, I consider the cause of mental health and well-being to be of highest importance, especially given the current emotional burden on humanity. Emotions are like waves. As children, we played catch with the waves at the beach, as if the waves were there to swallow our feet. When we realise that these waves ebbing and flowing is a natural process, we learn to courageously step on these waves, even ride it! What makes someone change from wanting to escape painful emotions to someone who wants to ride it? What’s the difference? One word, Power! When you shift from being overpowered by emotions to be able to ride the wave of emotions, you take your power back from it thereby becoming resilient. Believe it or not, resilience is innate to us and so is inner peace. The moment we realise this, we can easily stop identifying with the emotional rollercoasters and resurfacing unprocessed traumas so that we are connected to the infinite well of peace that is within us, allowing us to learn from these events. In this post, I share five simple yet effective tips, based on my experience, to ride the waves of emotions on a daily basis while preserving your mental wellbeing.

  1. Weirdly analyse your environment

This might sound weird but when you are experiencing intense emotions, try noticing something weirdly interesting in your immediate environment. This exercise is not an evasion strategy rather it is merely an unusual way of being present. Regular practice of being present makes you believe in your power to deal with your emotions rather than becoming it. Make sure to not “escape” the situation by DOING something else, instead focus on keeping the replacement activity all about trivial observations. You might snap your fingers, pause your mental chatter, run to the balcony and start counting the number of leaves in the branches of a tree. You might try to notice the types of window panes your neighbours have. You might look at the clouds in the sky and see if you can find a pattern. You might try to “look” beyond the ever-expansive sky or try to see through the clouds and visually rank different clouds based on their density. You might start naming the different birds that fly by your building. The possibilities are endless.

2. Notice weird things about your breath and body

When you are in the middle of having an anxiety attack or a session of overthinking spiralling out of control, try to become very aware of your breath. If your breathing is fast, try to notice how fast it is. You can even start counting the number of beats per minute. Check if your anxious and erratic breath forms a noticeable pattern. Bonus points if you can match the rhythm to any of your favourite songs. By noticing such unusual details about your breath, you momentarily detach from the emotional tornado and you would be surprised to see that your breathing has slowed down. It also helps if you use your inner noise as a trigger to become curious about the sensations at the soles of your feet that are firmly supported on the ground. These exercises effectively connects you to the present moment and gives you some space to process whatever going on inside your head.

3. Cry, eat and hydrate

Yes, go ahead and cry! Forget about every time society shamed you for crying. Crying is good. It releases feel-good chemical messengers such as endorphins and oxytocin in your body. Crying helps you release difficult emotions so you finally feel lighter at heart and ready to calmly deal with difficult situations. I personally feel more powerful after I have had a good cry and it makes me unusually zen. Listen to your body-mind and acknowledge your painful emotions. Scream into the pillow. Jump up and down. Growl inside an empty room if you need it. Do whatever you need to bring out the stagnant emotions and to allow the stuck energy to freely flow through your system. Once you are done releasing your emotions, your breathing calms down. Prepare your most favourite meal, eat a large portion of it and drink about 4 glasses of water at once. Hunger and dehydration heavily influences our emotions. Once you are cried out, well fed and hydrated, you can sense some mental space within yourself to deal with any issue.

4. Watch the movie and pick out characters

Watching THE movie is a cool way of anchoring to the present moment. It merely means to observe the entire scenario that you are a part of as if it is a movie. It takes a second to snap your fingers and view yourself along with others around you as characters played in a well-directed movie. When we watch a movie, we know that we are the viewers of the movie and hence, we might feel the emotions portrayed in the movie while our identity remains separate from the movie. This exercise gives us the space we need to understand ourselves and the people who are involved in the issue by picking out the characters at play and empathising with their behaviours. This gives an opportunity to find solutions to problems objectively.

5. Stretch it out or reach out

Gentle stretching would probably be the last thing you want to do when you are knee-deep in an emotional swamp. There is something about stretching your body and how it influences your mental state. Sometimes I feel unresolved emotions come up in me while I do my yoga routine. At first, I thought of it as a bad sign, as if I am not allowing myself to relax. With time, I realised that these emotions are coming up in me to be released and the stretching of my muscles help with mobilising the stagnant energy that is possibly associated with my otherwise suppressed difficult emotions. It is not news when I say that psychosomatic illness exist and if your emotions can impact your physique, relaxing your physical body can relax your overactive brain thereby providing space for you to resolve the matters of concern. Some people like to dance to let go of repressed anger or frustration. I personally find it liberating. Dancing also helps you break a sweat, which in turn releases endorphins.

If you have trouble with any of this, reach out to mental health or holistic wellness professionals of your choice. You can never have too much help when you are struggling. There is no shame in seeking help. The shame lies in holding your Ego or the opinions of others over your own happiness and well-being.

Hang in there 🙂

Check out my related post on journalling and processing your feelings (includes journal prompts):

https://soulful-kite.com/2020/12/10/journalling-dig-a-little-deeper/

Check out my related post for tips on meditating as a beginner:

https://soulful-kite.com/2020/11/28/simple-tips-for-beginners-to-slip-into-the-silence/

Does seeking help makes you appear weak?

There is a very fine line between believing in your limitless potential and deluding yourself into thinking that you are superhuman. The latter has been a deceptive source of suffering for most of us in this modern world.

I am a firm believer of the idea that we can always count on ourselves and that the best help is the one we can find within ourselves. There is nothing more empowering than knowing that failures don’t define us and the act of pushing ourselves every single time just a little farther than we think we can reach ultimately takes us to excellence.

As much as I am convinced of our ability to pursue anything under the sky and beyond, the pursuit of wanting to be an extraordinary achiever can sometimes tend to sabotage our path towards real, meaningful and fulfilling accomplishments.

People often think that those who are successful have a reputation of doing things all by themselves and appearing invincible. As time passes by, some of these people might lose sight of why they do what they do. Even though staying hungry in life can have strong motivations, for some of us, all of our intentions could eventually boil down merely to boosting our Ego and our projected self image.

Being perceived as weak means that you are not living life the “right” way. Hence, all of us love to aspire to be “strong”. In the process of wanting to be “strong” and socially acceptable, we tend to hold unrealistic expectations for ourselves, suffer from incessant self criticism and somewhere along the way, end up feeling worthless and depressed.

However, my understanding of leading life as a “strong” person has nothing to do with projecting an image of being a marvel of nature. It is all about being open and humble enough to accept help and doing whatever it takes to survive and lead a fulfilling life.

The beauty of accepting help lies in the endless amount of opportunities for innovation and expansion, which may not be accessible to you if you wish to do everything by yourself. Not to mention the amount of time and energy you might end up saving along the way. The only thing you might end up losing is your grip over your Ego, which is not costly at all.

Some of the smartest people who mean business know the importance of delegating tasks to experts of the respective niches to collectively create products or services that benefit the world. Inspiring leaders and pioneers of various industries often build their mission with cooperation, collaboration and efficiency as building blocks.

You don’t have to be a leader or an entrepreneur to know the value of seeking help. Even those who think they are aimlessly cruising through life can find and pursue their purpose by overcoming any resistance towards relying on others for help. Help of all sorts is available in this world for those who are passionate in life. Passion can be about anything. You can be passionate about living happily and if you need help with that, doesn’t matter what that means for you, you must reach for it.

It is not about how many tasks you can perform on your own, if you can be completely self sufficient or if you can stick to a rigid timeline. It is really about doing whatever it takes to efficiently create the life you want to live, even if it requires you to overcome your limitations by seeking help emotionally, financially, physically or intellectually.

So, tell me, does seeking help makes you appear weak? Maybe! But here is the thing, who has the time to care?

“Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it.”

-Unknown

Living fearlessly with a wounded heart

Imagining a world full of compassionate beings might seem idealistic to many of us, especially those who have been exposed to public hatred, humiliation and injustice. Change makers, motivational speakers, healers and other visionaries might agree with me when I say that although the idea of awakening to our true nature seem straightforward, there is a lot of work to be done. In many parts of the world, things are getting back to the new post-pandemic normal. Some of us are struggling to re-learn how to function in the world as a social being after having gone through a period of isolation. Some of us have reinvented our careers while others have reframed our idea of happiness. A majority of us consider the past 1.5 years as a period of struggle and profound growth. The relationship between struggle and growth is very interesting to me. The traditional idea of growth involves struggle and rightfully so, because you cannot make bread without kneading the dough. If we were to look at growth closely, we might realise that it is actually a change of state. Just like the myriad of triggers that shaped us into the “thick-skinned” adults, I perceive the recent struggles of humanity as a catalyst for change and consequently, an initiation of growth. I feel many of us have been walking with eyes so wide open for distractions and hearts so closed up for compassion that the wrong things in the world had to become worse for us to take notice of those things.

Acknowledging growth is not merely the responsibility of the change makers and the dreamers. The type of growth that I am talking about is relevant to every simple, average human being. Conventionally, the concept of adulting has been about developing a “thicker skin”, holding ourselves accountable and adapting to the world. While we as a society have come up with a seemingly fool-proof system of adulting gracefully, it is not news when I say that adulting sucks. It is not uncommon to think that being an adult is to be in misery, to be often broke and/or have an identity crisis, race for power, chase after true love, survive heartbreak, evade trauma, starve and jump through hoops until you embody the overrated and possibly borrowed definition of success. I can’t help but notice that there is one thing that can make adulting bearable and that is compassion. Compassion from strangers, parents, friends and well-wishers and most importantly, from ourselves can undeniably cushion the impact of the punches life throws at us. Growing from being an adult who is a proponent of gulping the hard pills down the throat to an adult who not only favours compassion but also celebrates it as one’s true nature, could be the humble beginning of our path towards world peace.

Contrary to popular opinion, compassion is not brought out by broadening our minds or stretching our limits in order to contribute to society. Compassion is neither a monumental task nor an aspiration reserved for the wealthy members of the society. Compassion is the most natural quality we human beings can express with the least amount of effort possible. If you need proof that compassion is innate to us human beings, look at a newly born child. Even the most evil person on Earth would have been a baby, with a soul that is so authentically expressed and a heart so open that it is shaken upon hurting even a small plant. What happens when the innocent little baby grows up? The baby is exposed to layers and layers of conditioning to make it fit for the world, which also includes the process of adulting. Kids think, speak and act from their hearts. Energetically speaking, our hearts are the energetic centre of love and compassion. It is not only the source of romantic love-based emotions but also that of an overall sense of wholeness and well-being that another human being can never give us. It is our soul-base. It is the portal to the ever-expanding internal Universe. It is home to the feelings that make us euphoric, drowning us in the bliss of feeling connected to other life forms and Mother Earth.

What makes the quality of compassion seem so surreal and unattainable is not only because of our own survival instincts but also that of our parents, relatives, neighbours and well-wishers. There is considerable shame associated with being an empathetic human being, especially the shame we are made to feel by those who have been hurt so bad in the past that they had to dissociate from the cruel world by developing unhealthy coping mechanisms. What many tend to overlook is the fact that the construct of life is not meant to make humans cold-hearted. Life is meant to expose us to a variety of circumstances, people and stimuli, all of which can be labelled as merely different forms of information. Information helps us learn about and understand the world and our life. Learning lessons in life is similar to scientific research, you observe and experience everything, collect data and interpret, even make your own experiments, vary some parameters, test the validity of the results and save it for your follow-up experiments. Throughout the entire process of your research, the objects vary but the subject of interpretation is you. They are your results and your interpretations are unique to you and your conditions. A good researcher is aware of the need to be objective while a bad researcher tend to take the results so personally and blame themselves. A good doctor sutures a cut in the skin while a bad doctor accepts that cuts are dangerous, the world is dangerous and hence, never reveals the skin to open air ever.

So, are we all bad researchers and bad doctors then? Do we really need to harden our hearts because the world has been mean to us or instead we seek help to heal our wounds and march forward with our hearts open? Do we live in fear or do we brave the cold and live fearlessly? Do we go back to courageously emanating love from our hearts like we used to when we were children or do we choose to secretly curl under the bed and call ourselves wounded? Whatever you decide, remember that your heart still beats just for you, waiting for you to tune in to the frequency of love.

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Way out of darkness..

There are people who love motivational content and there are people who think motivation is overrated. Among those who love motivational content, there are some who respond to “tough love” or the so-called “if your ambition doesn’t keep you up all night, you are doing something wrong” approach. Many others respond to the method of acceptance and letting go approach that promotes healing. Few others respond to “to hell with those who disagree, I love myself, hashtag I-don’t-care” approach. Depending on the issue people deal with at that particular moment of their life, people resonate with different approaches. My encounters with people who don’t believe in investing in personal motivation have taught me a great deal about my own life. People who belong to this category whom I’ve met often tend to express their discontentment with life and humanity in general. They tell me, “Well, all is not well. People are dying and all of these positive messages are bullshit. People are mean. The world is cruel and nothing good ever happens to anyone, at least to me. What do I have to feel optimistic in life?”. I am no stranger to this thought-process.

My understanding is that no one refuses help unless they have been disappointed with the forms of help that often finds its way towards them. Even if you meet the most cynical person in this world, that person might probably remember a brighter time in that person’s life when the belief in the abundance of love and light was unshakeable. Over time, people build a protective shield around their hearts made of what they call “hard reality”. This grew to become an important lesson that was passed on to future generations. In my opinion, gradually. this worldview left our hearts a bit heavier than it was before at every step of evolution. Residual sadness morphed to take a permanent role in our lives and this fuelled the growth of denser emotions such as hatred, depression and anger that never left our system. This is the collective darkness of humanity.

When I began pondering over the collective darkness, I began to realise that there is something very important that the disappointed bunch tend to not realise. It is the fact that they are not alone at carrying this burden. There are people who project a fake life and there are people who project a life that they are constantly striving to live. Most of those who are into promoting a positive outlook of the world have darkness in them as well that they are constantly battling and healing from every day. Most “positive” people you would find right now online or offline are/have gone through difficult periods in their lives. We know how hard it is to get up in the morning and do something worthwhile when all they want to do is sit on the bed and sulk in sadness. So, all we all hypocrites? No, it is not what I am saying. The point I am trying to convey is that people who try to motivate you are not perfect. Everyone works through certain issues, overcomes obstacles, learns from them while they still struggle at something else.

Perhaps it would be useful for those who don’t believe in motivation to know that nobody is perfect. Each lesson that is shared with them by any influencer must be taken for what they are and it doesn’t have to be another excuse for you to feel bad about yourself or your coping strategies. It is possible to learn from others mistakes and lessons without them threatening your self image. Personally, as someone who is a motivational content creator, my intention is never to downplay others struggles and I can vouch for many who are like me that no one in this line of work usually wishes to rub their happiness on others faces. Most people think long and hard in extracting those lessons from their life that they learnt by experiencing a lot of pain and they want to provide value to the world by sharing their lessons. Life is a very individualistic journey yet we all have many things in common. Since each person’s awareness and perception is technically unique, any number of solutions to an issue can be possible and it is up to each of us to accept guidance that most resonates with us.

So, open your arms, give yourself a hug and don’t shy away from seeking help. Even if it might seem hard to believe, there is love and light in this world that is shining on our darkness right now. Let us collectively work through the darkness and find the light in each of us.

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Stagnancy to flow-state

I remember the last time I felt the headrush of having a billion things to do in my list. I remember every minute lost in finding my shoes and gulping a sugar-loaded store-bought cupcake for breakfast before I had to catch the train every morning. I remember the hunger and fear-induced symphony played loudly in my stomach while sitting in a conference room. I remember counting the number of hours left before I could go home, wear my most comfortable pyjamas and watch my favorite Netflix show while I relish my two day-old greasy pizza for dinner. I used to look forward to weekends and would grab every chance to get a break from working my ass off. I would utilize every chunk of time during my day being creative in some form or the other. I would bathe in the joy of indulging the creative side of my brain. With the increase in the number of corona virus cases, I was forced to quarantine and all of a sudden, I felt controlled by a huge wave of inertia to do..basically anything. It was not laziness, nah, nah. It was something more powerful than that. It was more like a resolve to not do anything, literally anything. It was excruciating considering the number of deadlines that were approaching and the pile of work getting accumulated with the passing day. I knew I had to do something, anything if not something of value but I just couldn’t get myself to do it. This was the most stagnant my energy has ever been and I did not know how to get out of it. I wished for someone to suggest me a magical way to get my life back together. I wished to find a way to feel like myself again. There I was, silently looking out my window, staring at the beautiful meadow in front of me and sinking in desperation to find a way that shakes the lethargy out of me. Today, I would like to share a few ways to transition from stagnancy to flow-state that have worked for me.

  1. Take a shower

Taking a shower not only cleanses you physically but also energetically. When we have spent a lot of time doing nothing, chances that our mind wandered to relive unnecessary painful moments by overthinking are high. When we relive or replay past memories in our mind, our awareness is literally transported to all aspects of those past moments. We may not realise it but it is highly energetically depleting and polluting to our body and mind. Taking a mindful shower with fragrant soaps, favourite music or just quietly enjoying the temperature of the water might help reset our thinking by bringing our awareness back to the present moment and hence, help us make a fresh start.

2. End the chaos within

This has been life-saving for me! Often times, we tend to not do anything as a result of being overwhelmed by the number of things we need to do or the number of issues that are playing on our screen of the mind without even realising it. If you don’t know what to do next, simply, take a notepad and make a list. It doesn’t have to be in any order or structured. Just write away! Once you have a visual representation of what is going on inside your head, you can start the process of elimination. Cross-off the issues that you can’t possibly find a solution, mark the issues or tasks that you can’t solve within the next three hours and circle those entries that you can do something about in the next three hours. Within the ones you have circled, pick the most time-sensitive task and finally, you have identified the immediate logical action to do for the moment.

3. Find an accountability partner

Open your phone contact list and find one person who would either in person or virtually be willing to support your efforts in getting work done that day. Transfer the authority of making decisions to take breaks to them or better yet, involve them in this process by explaining to them what your work is about and what would happen if you failed to do the task. This way, you can’t escape the process by dismissing their knowledge or lack thereof of the nature of your work. When we don’t know how to start, the best way is to take the power of starting away from you and give that to your trustworthy friend.

4. Shimmy to your favourite jam

This might sound counterproductive but stay with me here. Now that you have your accountability partner and your clean psyche ready to work, spend the first 5-10min on listening to fast-paced music that pumps you up and makes you yell to yourself, ” you got this!”. When we want to do something we absolutely hate but must finish the task anyway, the act of listening to your favourite beats can help you connect with that energetically-masculine quality of getting things done like a warrior with swords. The genre of music doesn’t matter as long as it can make your arms punch the air with smile on your face while sitting at your desk. Keep a timer to end your dance session and then, get to work with an uninterrupted focus.

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Being happy for others

We all talk about it. We all claim to be happy for others but do we really do it? Who cares, right? Do we really NEED to be happy for others? Have you ever wondered why is it that it is so hard to be happy for someone else, especially when we do not have what the other person has in his/her life? In my opinion, jealousy is a spectrum. Some of us are indifferent to others lives because let’s face it, our lives keep us busy and we like it that way, busy hustling with no time to spare for others problems. But I couldn’t help but think about those of us who are openly bitter about others being happy. People who belong to this category do not have much time to focus on others either. However, they somehow manage to express their discontentment while gossiping about their “good” friends or their supposedly close relatives and their seemingly perfect lives. In the eyes of these individuals, the happy people in their lives are just sitting in their beautiful mansions, collecting bags of gold coins and taking skydiving lessons using their private jets while all they might have received was a promotion or an elite gym membership. They LOOK at those face-tuned pictures of their friends with hundreds of hearts on it and they choose to SEE a damage-proof glowing and a healthy skin. They LOOK at the group picture of smiling faces and they choose to SEE a group of people who never have misunderstandings, thriving in harmony. While most of us know how deceptive appearances are, I am more interested in understanding why is it so hard for us humans to naturally be happy for others. After all, compassion and open-heartedness are supposed to be innate human qualities right?

So, how does jealousy originate in each of us? What does jealousy indicate? The most obvious answer for these questions is sadness and frustration from dealing with one’s own issues. When you are sad, you can’t possibly be happy for another person, even if it is someone very close to you. When you are sad or frustrated about something in your life, have you ever observed the narrative your ego gives you at the time? It is most certainly ALWAYS exaggerated. What do I mean by this? Suppose you are frustrated because you can’t afford your dream car, your Ego narrates this situation to you as if you are so poor that you probably have to save way more than you need to in order to afford the car. The Ego follows this up by saying that you can NEVER afford a luxurious lifestyle and then it tells you, your friends will overtake you in this “RACE” to “WIN” life. This goes on and on until you are sitting in your couch, sulking and criticising yourself over every purchase you had made up until that point. Eventually, your Ego convinces you that you are one step away from being destitute and that you need to up your “game”. Why?- because you can’t afford your dream car at that moment in your life. Why does your Ego wants to do this to you? Because your Ego always wants to protect you and it doesn’t know the scale of danger so it always assume the highest level of danger waiting to appear down the road.

What does your Ego or your sadness has to do with another person’s happiness? Nothing! This is it! Then, why does it always feel like it is all connected? Because we humans as a species always want to be a part of something. It is our innate desire to be included and to seek company and be around people who are like us. We don’t want to be left out. When we were hunting for food as a primitive being, it is probably dangerous to go through something that your tribe doesn’t know about or cannot help with because that would mean you will probably be left alone to die in order to save the rest of the tribe. Misery loves company. Deep down, a truly bitter person would probably be thinking, “how is it that I am suffering and you are not? This is unacceptable!”. Because of this crowd-gathering habit of ours, the realization that we are alone at struggling with something is very painful and our Ego wants to make us feel safe. So, our Ego nudges us to find ways to feel safe and included. The instinctive solution would be to make others miserable or point out their problems to make them less cheerful and in your point of view, more “humane”. The extent to which people put in efforts to make others miserable varies a lot and it is directly proportional to how alone and unsupported they feel in their lives.

We are not born bitter. We ALL are loving and kind sentient beings and that is our true nature. Perhaps knowing how Ego, also known as our our false Self, blocks our ability to be happy for others can help us understand how pointless it is to feel jealous. The next time your friend or acquaintance talks about his/her blessings, open those strong, confident arms and give them a hug or a handshake. Smile and send them loving energy and wish them well because there is one thing that is COMMON in you and your friend and that is the fact that you both are human.

Picture: Royalty-free, sourced from http://www.unsplash.com.

Beneath the beauty..

How would the world be if we all saw each other just as souls? An amorphous energy field constantly vibrating and constantly being created from cosmic forces. A body with no body but a hazy shining aura of infiniteness. A being with no purpose but to exist, thrive, create and experience virtual reality with so much love radiating from our core. How would it be? How would it be if people saw me with that image and not my external appearance? Imagine I said hello to you and all you could see was this insanely powerful and complicated electromagnetic field constantly exchanging information with the cosmos and energizing thoughts? No pretty eyes but my third eye. No cute smile except the kind and welcoming light. No dark hair except my crown pulsing in alignment with my energy flow. No words except my boundless spirit of one love for all genders, appearances and age. How would it be? Boring right? Yeah, I can understand you and this is exactly my point. I am a woman but I don’t identify with it anymore. The only identity I own is that I am a soul, just as divine as everyone of you. It is oxymoronic because identity dissolves when one realises that he/she is love and the higher power. However, for the sake of functioning and understanding, I am choosing to use it as an identity. So, what am I trying to say? I am trying to say that beauty is not permanent. It is an illusion. External appearance is an illusion. It’s an oversimplification of your spirit. When I understood this, I no longer see others as a guy or a girl. I see them as a person, a divine being and a fellow spirit, experiencing this wonderful journey of life. What was interesting to me is that the moment I started doing this, I  felt so free and uninhibited. No drama, no politics, no games and only neutrality. Neutrality might be boring but it has definitely made my life a lot easier.❤️

Is optimism a privilege?

Is optimism a privilege? There is this popular notion that being positive, motivated and indulging in self care are a privilege and only people who are considered privileged can afford to spend time for it. What does it mean to be privileged? I think that it means having a roof over your head, some money to comfortably support yourself and at least a hobby to keep you happy. But does privilege equal happiness? As a privileged person, I can assure you that it is not, at least for me. I would like to think that problems are always relative, always. That doesn’t undermine the suffering someone goes through. No one, literally no one alive now is exempted from the  life lessons they are destined to learn. I would like to think that every soul has a customized cosmic plan, designed by themselves at a higher state of awareness (I can say that as a God-like state, to make it easier to understand). It is important to be grateful for everything that one has but that doesn’t mean that there is no justification for someone’s suffering inspite of them having food to eat and some money in the bank. What strikes my mind now is that regardless of how privileged you are, you need motivation, self care and any tools under the sky to live your best life possible. In fact, the more misery you are going through, the more you need those tools to keep up from crumbling under the pressure of life. When life offers you help, it is a sign of synchronicity. It means that the universe is listening to you and your higher self is trying to help you. If you are just a bit gracious enough to accept help, it would make your life just a little bit more tolerable and for many of us, that’s a lot! ❤️